Free Postage

The increasing cost of postage to mail letters and packages is bringing down our
standard of living. To remedy this deplorable situation, some counter control
measures can be applied. For example, if the stamps on a letter are coated with
Elmer's Glue by the sender, the cancellation mark will not destroy the stamp:
the Elmer's drives to form an almost invisible coating that protects the stamps
from the cancellation ink. Later, the receiver of the letter can remove the
cancellation mark with water and reuse the stamps. Furthermore, ecological
saving will also result from recycling the stamps. Help save a tree. The glue is
most efficiently applied with a brush with stiff, short bristles. Just dip the
brush directly into the glue and spread it on evenly, covering the entire
surface of the stamp. It will dry in about 15 minutes. For mailing packages,
just follow the same procedure as outlined above; however, the package should be
weighed and checked to make sure that it has the correct
amount of postage on it before it is taken to the Post Office. Removing the
cancellation and the glue from the stamps can be easily accomplished by soaking
the stamps in warm water until they float free from the paper. The stamps can
then be put onto a paper towel to dry. Processing stamps in large batches saves
time too. Also, it may be helpful to write the word 'Elmer' at the top of the
letter (not on the envelope) to cue the receiving party in that the stamps have
been protected with the glue. We all know that mailing packages can be
expensive. And we also know that the handicapped are sometimes discriminated
against in jobs. The Government, being the generous people they are, have given
the blind free postal service. Simply address you envelope as usual, and make
one modification. In the corner where the stamp would go, write in (or stamp)
the words 'FREE MATTER FOR THE BLIND". Then drop you package or letter in one of
the blue federal mailboxes. DO NOT TAKE THE LETTER TO THE
POST OFFICE, OR LEAVE IT IN YOUR MAILBOX. Sounds very nice of the government to
do this, right? Well, they aren't that nice. The parcel is sent library rate,
that is below third class. It may take four to five days to send a letter to
just the next town. This too is quite simple, but less effective. Put the
address that you are sending the letter to as the return address. If you were
sending a $20 donation to the pirate's Chest, you would put our address (PO box
644, Lincoln MA 01773) as the return address. Then you would have to be careless
and forget to put the stamp on the envelope. A nice touch is to put a bullshit
address in the center of the envelope. Again, you MUST drop the letter in a
FEDERAL mailbox. If the post office doesn't send the letter to the return
address for having no stamp, they will send it back for the reason of "No such
address".




Example:



Pirates Chest Dept. 40DD

P.O. Box 644865

Lincol, Ma. 41773



Tom Bullshit

20 Fake Road

What Ever, XX 99851



One last thing you might try doing is soaking a canceled stamp off of an
envelope, and gluing it onto one you are sending. Then burn the stamp, leaving a
little bit to show that there was one there.




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