"Fishwrap Magazine: read it in the morning, wrap your leftover Island
Panther Pie with it in the afternoon"
Issue #33: "The Return of Jynx"
[March 4, 2001]
Circulation: 149

Note: Fishwrap Magazine is now available on the World Wide Webscrolly-
thingy.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/fishwrapmagazine
You can subscribe here and also read all the back issues.

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SPONSORS

This issue of the Fishwrap Magazine is brought to you by the following
sponsors:
* Clan Rising Claw
http://www.risingclaw.com/
* Sylph the Sylvan
"Slyph for Puddlebean Ornithological Society Council"
* Babajaga the Sylvan:
http://www.red-quill.com/babajaga/
* Clan Pogue Mahone:
http://www.poguemahone.org/
* "Mending by Malloc":
Box 1828, Puddleby Post
* Sielk, for Sun Dragon Clan:
http://www.sundragonclan.com
* Fishmonger: Puddleby's News Kiosk:
http://www.geocities.com/mikeswanson_98/fishmonger.html

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THOOM HEADLINE NEWS
THE NEWS IN BRIEF FOR BUSY EXILES
"Fishwrap Magazine: Thoom News You Can Use"

brought to you by Fishwrap reporters:
* Dred Passage expeditions continue
* Tenebrion disappears; some suspect Umbrion may be involved
* Undine uprising crushed by vigilant exiles
* Manx and Slyph to spar for Puddlebean Ornithological Society council
seat in nasty smear campaign

brought to you by Babajaga's Diary:
* Darkhorse Clan and Puddleby Marine Corps venture successfully into
Dred Passage
* Umbrion spotted in town
* Parade in town
for more information on the above stories, see Babajaga's Diary
http://www.red-quill.com/babajaga/

brought to you by Norm's Diary
* Exiles search Tenebrion's Keep in the absence of its owner
* Yor shows giant crystal
* Old-fashioned undine bash in the undine hut
* Large death vermine present a challenge to powerful exiles
* Qual makes puns on the Sunstone Network
for more information on the above stories, see Norm's Adventures
http://members.aol.com/NormsDiary

brought to you by Koric's Journal
* Dred Passage map more complete
* Sala Dragon reaches pond and flower field in Dred Passage
* Controversy over Algernon's assistance in battle
* New town zoo with rare purple tor
* Azure sues Thuja for not departing
for more information in the above stories, see Koric's Journal
http://dingram.phys.tcu.edu/koric.html

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NEWS FEATURES

Recent ballot results:
#174: Would you like to see/help with a Beautify Puddleby Project?
http://ferindril.dhs.org/ferindril/beautify
23 (46%): Yes, I would love to help make Puddleby a better looking
place!
13 (26%): I wouldn't mind seeing it, but I'm not sure if I could help.
2 (4%): No! I want to live in a dirty place with no trees for shade!
6 (12%): Where's Puddleby?
3 (6%): None of the above
3 (6%): Abstain
#175: Do you think it would be good to be able to open 'joint' bank
accounts?
33 (69%): Yes
7 (15%): No
6 (13%): Don't care
1 (2%): None of the above
1 (2%): Abstain
#176: How do you feel about Lunaria's recent appointment to Deputy by
Noivad?
6 (13%): It's great we need more concerned citizens being Deputized!
3 (6%): This is horrible! How am I going to commit crime with all these
deputies running around?
11 (23%): I'm an Exile, I hate authority figures! the less the better!
6 (13%): I want to be a deputy!
17 (35%): None of the above
5 (10%): Abstain

The Gubara report:
Gubara says, "The most esteemed citizens are: Galadriel, Elenis Reyav,
Maria, Axia, Felicity."
Gubara says, "The most reviled citizens are: Lursa, Leogic, Algernon,
Malkor, Artesia."

Court Records:
Clerus says, "Case #pcl_0541_041_02_31 on 41 Winter, 541 at 3:56..."
Clerus says, "Azure accused Thuja of reckless endangerment of life...."
Clerus says, "The verdict was frivolous; 88 minutes in jail, 612c fine
and 0 days banished."
Clerus says, "Case #pcl_0541_044_07_12 on 44 Winter, 541 at 7:51..."
Clerus says, "Madcat accused Infectus of stealing my shield..."
Clerus says, "The verdict was innocent."
Clerus says, "Case #pcl_0541_044_08_46 on 44 Winter, 541 at 9:44..."
Clerus says, "Shadrock accused Infectus of stealing madcat`s shield..."
Clerus says, "The verdict was innocent."
Clerus says, "Case #pcl_0541_060_22_11 on 60 Winter, 541 at 23:10..."
Clerus says, "Zaroff accused Algernon of corrupt politition..."
Clerus says, "The verdict was frivolous; 1283 minutes in jail, 11030c
fine and 0 days banished."

#####
HELP WANTED

Fishwrap Magazine is looking for a few more contributors, reporters and
advertisers.

Advertising rates are quite affordable. Your ad will be read by well
over 150 exiles!

Sponsorships: only 25 coins
Full ads: only 50 coins

#####
THE SNAGGLEWOOD EXPERIMENT
BY DEADMEAT

(Fishwrap is proud to present this special report from Deadmeat.

A version of this report with pictures can be found here:

http://www.geocities.com/billreeves/deadmeat/dm_snaggy_experiment.html

-Para)

28-Win-541 (24-Feb-2001)

...So I heard that there was a group in the Orga Village. All of
Puddleby is very excited right now about the recent public discovery of
the so-called "Dred Passage" which apparently leads from the Orga
Outback to the Foothills, although nobody but Clan Pogue Mahone and
friends have actually made it through the passage. In any case, there
have been lots of parties in the Orga Village and Orga Outback recently
to try to find a way through the Dred Passage.

So I headed towards the Orga Camp in the hopes of finding a way to meet
up with the group in the Orga Village, even though I myself have never
been past Hatred's Hollow. While on the way there, I ran into Mortis
and Cronos who had the same idea. We found our way to Orga Camp, and
Mortis, who is an accomplished pathfinder, let us into the Snagglewood.
In Snaggy, we met up with some other exiles -- a few of them were
returning from a failed attempt to pass through Wisher's Gate to
Hatred's Hollow -- apparently, John Junkar (another pathfinder) has
been able to open the gate in the past, but he was not able to on this
trip.

So eight of us made our way back to Boneswood: Mortis, Cronos, John
Junkar, Lark, Topaz, Naferu, Monkey, and myself. We didn't really think
that we would be able to make it through Hatred's Hollow alive, but
what's the fun in not trying?

We did not have any substantial difficulty in reaching Boneswood. Once
we were safe there, Mortis attempted to open the gate. The last words
he told us were "Checking to see if I can open. I should pop right
back... if not, I'm toast..."

Sure enough, he opened the gate, and he did not pop right back. He fell
to an Orga Fury seconds later. None of the rest of us could open the
gate. At the time of this writing, Mortis is most likely still fallen
in Hatred's Hollow.

So, the seven of us who remained came up with an alternate plan. I
think it was mostly Cronos' plan. The goal was to fall in the vicinity
of an Orga Zealot, and then have the Zealot teleport the fallen bodies
to the Orga Village. The group in the Orga Village would then be able
to raise them.

In my opinion, that was one of the silliest plans that I had ever heard
of. I had no intention of going through with it. So Lark, who shared
this opinion with me, and I, decided to be the "control group" -- we
would stay alive ourselves, and make sure that everything went well
with the other five who intended to be teleported by a Zealot while
fallen.

A cooperative Zealot or two eventually came along, but they did not
have enough firepower (literally) to make anyone fall, except for
Monkey. So we waited longer, and more beasts showed up. Eventually, all
five of those who were undergoing the experiment fell. In order to
leave the Zealots undisturbed with the fallens, Lark and I went south,
from Boneswood to Riegerwood.

Soon enough, we got a toggle from one of the fallens. It turns out that
the Zealots had followed us south. So we took all of the fallens on my
chain, and dragged them to Riegerwood (which was much more dangerous
than Boneswood at that time). Lark and I retreated to Boneswood.

Another toggle from the fallens. The Zealots were too far away. So Lark
and I herded one of the Zealots to the northwest corner, and we moved
four of the fallens into place near the Zealot. We then used kuzdu to
insure that the Zealot would not be able to leave the corner unless it
teleported one of the fallen exiles out of the way. Once again, Lark
and I retreated to Boneswood.

And we waited.

Almost an hour later, our patience was rewarded -- with a spawn of
vermine and warlocks. Lark was immediately surrounded by vermine, and
she fell quickly. I was scouring the edge of the snell, so I did not
get surrounded, but there were enough warlocks that I would fall soon
without healing. So I grabbed Lark's fallen body on my chain, and ran
north, and immediately south. I believe we were in the Tonle snell when
I finally fell. Snagglewood was not a safe place for a badly wounded
fighter with a fallen healer on his chain.

So we settled in to wait for a rescue. However, a passing Orga Zealot
had other plans. I found myself in the Orga Village, among friends! So
much for the "control group" -- Cronos' experiment was a complete
success, except the wrong exiles got teleported!

After I was raised, I found that Topaz and John Junkar were teleported
before I was, and while I was in Orga Village, Naferu, Cronos, Lark,
and Monkey all joined us.

Of course, this story does not have a happy ending. A rather incredible
spawn of Large Death Vermine, Orga Hemlocks, and Orga Furies came along
and wiped us all out. I attempted to chain a few of the many fallens to
safety, but not knowing where safety lay, we didn't make it.

So we ended with a mass depart. A small price to pay for the scientific
discovery that we learned -- it is possible to use the teleporting
properties of Orga Zealots to bypass Hatred's Hollow and reach the Orga
Village, if there is a group in the Village who can raise you.

#####
ADVERTISEMENT

"Mending by Malloc!"

Great! You can solo Hatreds! But look at you! Your clothes are in
tatters!

Be the talk of the town with neat and spiffy stitching.

* Need a quick stitch-up? I come to to you!

* Discounts for healers and mystics that rescue my fallen body.

* Contact via SS or box 1828

-Malloc

#####
THE TENEBRION REPORT
BY TYKING II, SERVANT OF TENEBRION

I recently met with Tenebrion while he was using a Sarir as a vessel.
He explained to me that Umbrion's guards and minions are at his keep
only to watch it while he was gone. Tenebrion is currently at Umbrion's
keep along with his brothers, as they try to strengthen the continually
decaying Spell of Protection around Umbrion's island.

On a sadder note, Tenebrion informed me that Umbrion's last comments on
Puddleby were "We should burn them all to the ground". As you can see,
Umbrion is a lot meaner than his brother Tenebrion. I urge everyone to
be careful around him.

Worried, yet relieved,
Tyking II
Servant of Tenebrion

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A CONVERSATION WITH JYNX
BY PERKUSI

So I was sitting in town the other day, and this cloaked person plops
down next to me while I played some music. No big deal. But he was
speaking in this really weird language. Something told me he really
wanted to talk to me, so I wondered if he might speak Zo. Lo and
behold! Anyway, it was a really weird conversation. I'm glad I know
enough about this Tenebrion business by reading up. Otherwise I would
have been lost.

Here's the journal of my talk with Jynx. I think it's important.

-Perkusi

Jynx says, "*é ª®é **®«ïñ@"
(Perkusi wonders if Jynx can speak Zo.)
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "yes?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "eh hem"
(Phiros's sunsstone flickers)
(Perkusi smiles.)
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "yes"
Perkusi exclaims in Ghorak Zo, "I'm glad!"
Perkusi says in Ghorak Zo, "Because the other language was way out of
my league."
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "yes"
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "What's that blue stuff under your hood
there?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "residue"
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "from?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "your plane"
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "plane?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "it takes much concentration"
Jynx has not disclosed his race, is male, is an Apprentice Mystic, and
is not wearing the symbol of any clan.
He is holding a pair of metal bracers.
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "yes"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "very much damage"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "we repair"
Perkusi says in Ghorak Zo, "um... you're gonna have to explain a bit
more."
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "repair?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "your plane"
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "from what?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "damage"
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "how did it get damaged?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "foolish children"
(Jynx makes a chorus of sounds.)
Perkusi exclaims in Ghorak Zo, "oooo!"
(Jynx makes a sound that sounds like singing, if it wasn't for the
impossible number of tones made.)
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "um... foolish children doing what?"
(Perkusi's ears ring.)
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "meddling in forces they do not understand"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "so we fix"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "and come to warn"
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "Jynx, who are the children, and what do
they do?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "you are the children"
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "and what forces?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "you do many things"
(Jynx makes a chorus of sounds.)
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "how can I take warning if I don't know what
to avoid or change?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "i am not here to warn you"
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "just to fix?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "no"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "i like to see how things are"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "here"
Perkusi says in Ghorak Zo, "I'm sorry... I am a Zo. sometimes you have
to be really really blunt."
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "yes"
(Perkusi gets out her gitor.)
You equip your gitor.
* You start playing...
Perkusi starts playing her gitor
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "how am i doing¿"
(Perkusi plays "Two Moods")
Perkusi says in Ghorak Zo, "well, you have told me I am a child that
meddles with forces I don't understand...."
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "no"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "not you"
Perkusi says in Ghorak Zo, "well, as part of the collective body of
children"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "the other children"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "yes"
(Perkusi puts her music away so she can concentrate on Jynx's words.)
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "it is not your fault"
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "who's fault is it?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "we know"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "the mad necromancer is one"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "those that used all the dark orbs"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "those that sold their pendants"
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "dark orbs... the soulglasses?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "yes, i think that is your name for them"
Perkusi says in Ghorak Zo, "more please. I need details for me to
understand what I can do to make things better."
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "they pluck the strings of the planes too hard"
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "the soulglasses/dark orbs?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "yes"
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "and what about the pendants and Tenebrion?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "the same"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "effect"
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "his use of them does the same as the
soulglasses?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "almost"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "the effect is the same"
Perkusi says in Ghorak Zo, "and how do you know this? I'm rather unsure
of how you would know."
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "not the action"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "i fix"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "we fix"
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "how do you fix?"
(Perkusi waves at Romuli)
(Jynx channels light throughout his body)
(Jynx emits something that looks like smoke from his entire body)
Perkusi ponders, "eep!"
Perkusi says in Ghorak Zo, "ok... that's scary weird...."
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "but... how does that fix it? is the
plane... torn?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "or frayed"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "or broken"
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "question... is another war imminent? a
ripture war?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "maybe not"
Perkusi says in Ghorak Zo, "you didn't say no either"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "it depends"
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "on?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "what the children do"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "but it will look different to you"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "if there is one"
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "than the one before?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "yes"
Perkusi says in Ghorak Zo, "I didn't go through the war before, so I
really don't know what it looked like. My teacher did though."
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "we are still cleaning up"
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "who else is cleaning up, besides you? is
there someone I can help?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "trying to open the old passages"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "no"
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "the... portals? waht we call mirrors?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "but maybe so"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "yes"
(Perkusi blinks in thought.)
Perkusi says in Ghorak Zo, "um...."
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "yes you can help"
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "how?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "fix the crystal"
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "the crystal?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "there's one broken"
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "you mean the little shard things that
people are finding?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "is that what it looks like to you¿"
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "do those come from the crystal?"
Perkusi says in Ghorak Zo, "I haven't seen one."
Perkusi says in Ghorak Zo, "I've just heard others talking about
fragments."
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "odd"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "they should be unstable in this plane"
Perkusi says in Ghorak Zo, "well... they keep disappearing, I hear."
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "is that unstable?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "yes, that makes sense"
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "ok.... so... eep... you need me to get
people to fix the crystal?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "you need to help"
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "me? personally?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "everyone needs to help"
Perkusi exclaims in Ghorak Zo, "tell me how. I don't understand!"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "find the last piece or two"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "if you find someone that knows what to do with
them"
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "last piece or two?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "give them to them"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "or call for me"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "i will come"
Perkusi exclaims in Ghorak Zo, "How can I call you?!"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "just call"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "if i am close by i will hear"
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "who knows what to do with them?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "but there are those that can do this without
me"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "you will know when they speak"
Perkusi says in Ghorak Zo, "I don't sit still too often... eep."
Perkusi says in Ghorak Zo, "I guess I'll have to be more observant."
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "yes"
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "so... they speak like you did?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "no"
ynx says in Ghorak Zo, "they are children"
Perkusi says in Ghorak Zo, "like me."
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "they look and speak like the rest of the
children"
Perkusi asks in Ghorak Zo, "can you tell me what it is about their
speech that will clue me in?"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "what they say, how they act when you go
looking, other things"
Perkusi exclaims in Ghorak Zo, "ok... I'll try to remember that. You're
trusting a Zo here, remember!"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "yes"
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "i must rest"
Perkusi says in Ghorak Zo, "me too soon... I hope I see you again in
case I have questions."
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "it has been a long trip" Jynx says in Ghorak
Zo, "you will"
Perkusi says in Ghorak Zo, "good."
(Perkusi blinks.)
Jynx says in Ghorak Zo, "take care Perkusi"
Perkusi says in Ghorak Zo, "you too"
(Kiriel D'Sol giggles)
* You gain experience.
Perkusi says, "um...."
Perkusi says, "I gotta go."
(Algernon looks around for his friend Marcus Antonius.)
Aurian ponders, "everyones speaking in languages"
(Phiros waves)
(Perkusi looks really spooked.)
Jynx is no longer Clanning.

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COMING SOON TO THE FISHWRAP

"The Witch Is Back": The New Prue Interview, coming right at you
"Behind the Mystic"

#####
Fishwrap Magazine is part of the ThoomCare Media Network.

Publisher and Editor: Paramedic

Senior reporters: Crippler, Charlos

Roving reporters and contributors: Althea, Babajaga, Bones, Callia,
Deadmeat, Jeanne, Koric, K'Pyn, Monolith, Norm, Perkusi, Tyking II

A newspaper is only as good as its reporters, and we are always looking
for new stories. If you have news you think belongs in Fishwrap
Magazine, send Paramedic some mail (mailbox #1047) or email him at his
scroll:
http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Highrise/2084/

"There's no tradition like a new tradition."
- Crow T. Robot