"Fishwrap Magazine: read it in the morning, wrap your leftover
Chocolate Bear with it in the afternoon"
Issue #29: "Spriggins and Witches"
[January 28, 2001]
Circulation: 140

Note: Fishwrap Magazine is now available on the World Wide Webscrolly-
thingy.
<http://groups.yahoo.com/group/fishwrapmagazine>
You can subscribe here and also read all the back issues.

#####
SPONSORS

This issue of the Fishwrap Magazine is brought to you by the following
sponsors:
* Zorton's Complete Guide to Sunstone Tuning:
<http://members.aol.com/zortoncl/sstuning.html>
* Babajaga the Sylvan:
<http://www.red-quill.com/babajaga/>
* Mac-arena the Zo:
<http://members.nbci.com/CheaCrets/clord/>
* Thorstorm the Zo:
<http://www.risingclaw.com/members/thorstorm.html>
* Clan Pogue Mahone:
<http://www.poguemahone.org/>
* The Sundragon Clan:
<http://www.sundragonclan.com>
* ThoomCare: Puddleby's only HMO:
<http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Highrise/2084>

#####
THOOM HEADLINE NEWS
THE NEWS IN BRIEF FOR BUSY EXILES

brought to you by Fishwrap reporters:
* Tenebrion sends his troops out for "military exercises"
* Tenebrion has dissolved his ties to Tyking II
* Tenebrion has removed the bounty from Malkor
* Tinderboxes available in east farms
* New North Towers in town
* Sutai organizes the first Puddleby Fitness Run
<http://www.geocities.com/mikeswanson_98/fw/fitnessrun.gif>
* Hospital attacked by Dews and Troolkin
<http://www.geocities.com/mikeswanson_98/fw/hospitalassault.gif>
* Meeting Hall in south Puddleby is officially open
* Amrosar the Zo leaves Puddleby
<http://www.geocities.com/mikeswanson_98/fw/amrosarleaves.gif>
* Trainer for Noth/Dew Juice still not discovered
<http://www.geocities.com/mikeswanson_98/fw/pallidewjuice.gif>
* Vata the Thoom has joined ThoomCare
<http://www.geocities.com/mikeswanson_98/fw/vatajoinsclan.gif>
* Rescue on Devil's Island goes horribly wrong for a local healer
<http://www.geocities.com/mikeswanson_98/fw/verminehack.gif>
* ThoomCare member Ducktape becomes 3rd circle healer
* ThoomCare member Brage becomes 3rd circle healer

brought to you by Norm's Diary
* Orga Camp raid fails; Orga Magician has developed some sort of
illusion shield
* Fire Drake battle
* Exclusive pictures of the forging of a Bloodblade
for more information on the above stories, see Norm's Adventures
<http://members.aol.com/NormsDiary>

#####
NEWS FEATURES

From the Fen News Bureau:
Puddleby-Kiramu Monastery Suffers Setbacks
The Puddleby-Kiramu Monastery has suffered two blows to their unique
identity in the past few days. The first one was the sudden
disappearance of Sensei Ja1chan, who was responsible for the teaching
of bare-handed fighting and was located in the heart of the monastery.
Amon Yret reports that Sensei Ja1chan could not uphold the standards
of our fine institution and has left in a bit of disgrace. For all
exiles currently training under his tutelage, I recommend stopping
immediately and seeking an alternative trainer until a replacement can
be found. The second shocking news was the disintegration of the
cloaks that are rented from Town Hall. My own cloak has disintegrated
and I saw Sutai1s cloak fall apart right before my eyes. All monks are
requested to wear cloaks to show unity and now it is rather hard to
tell who is a monk. Hopefully, both of these setbacks to the Puddleby-
Kiramu Monastery will be corrected before too long.
-Jeanne

The Gubara report:
From Gubara in Agratis
Gubara says, "The most esteemed citizens are: Bizob, Aki, Axia, Isis,
Felicity."
Gubara says, "The most reviled citizens are: HaL, Eek, FourWinged,
Bigfat, Aki."

Court Records:
Clerus says, "Case #pcl_0540_265_23_44 on 86 Summer, 540 at 0:36..."
Clerus says, "Tarf accused Xepel of arson..."
Clerus says, "The verdict was innocent."
Clerus says, "Case #pcl_0540_269_15_22 on 89 Summer, 540 at 16:16..."
Clerus says, "Mr Pudding accused E'vile of being an immature newbie who
is asking for jailtime..."
Clerus says, "The verdict was guilty; 125 minutes in jail, 785c fine
and 0 days banished."
Clerus says, "Case #pcl_0540_273_10_48 on 3 Autumn, 540 at 11:19..."
Clerus says, "Upsie accused Tenebrion of terrorizing Puddleby and
murder..."
Clerus says, "The verdict was innocent."

#####
HELP WANTED

Fishwrap Magazine is looking for a few more contributors, reporters and
advertisers.

Advertising rates are quite affordable. Your ad will be read by well
over 140 exiles!

Contact Paramedic if you are interested.

#####
MALKOR: THE INTERVIEW

(Paramedic looks at Malkor)
Malkor ponders, "Do I owe him coins?"
(Malkor smiles meekly.)
(Paramedic looks at Malkor)
Paramedic says, "Malkor, some readers of the Fishwrap have been
requesting a feature interview with you."
Soulmaster exclaims, "don't do it Malkor!"
Malkor says, "Why me? I'm not very interesting."
Luminary ponders, "ooh! A live Fishwrap interview!"
Paramedic says, "Some exiles are quite intrigued."
Malkor says, "Hrm.""
Malkor asks, "Why don't you interview Luminary?"
Soulmaster exclaims, "or you could interview me!"
Luminary says, "Yeah...I'll dish dirt on Malkie..."
Malkor says, "I know I'd read one with her."
Soulmaster exclaims, "I'm an interesting thing!"
(Paramedic shows Malkor the list of requests with Malkor on top)"
Luminary says, "C'mon Malkor...it's just five questions."
Paramedic asks, "So are you ready for the Malkor interview?"
(Org du Lac wonders whether Paramedic will end up interviewing anyone.)
(Paramedic wonders too.)
(Org du Lac takes a seat.)
Malkor says, "Prolly not, but go right ahead."
Org du Lac ponders, "Thoom"
Paramedic says, "Excellent."
(Sleipnir watches and listens with interest)
Paramedic asks, "1) So, how are your relations with the Spriggins these
days?"
(Malkor sighs.)
(Paramedic listens)
(Sleipnir listens too)
Malkor says, "We get along swell, I suppose, but people keep
interrupting our get-togethers."
Sleipnir asks, "No sparkling wit, Malkor?"
(Malkor glares at Sleipnir.)
Org du Lac exclaims, "Xepel was seen eating spriggins himself a couple
days ago!"
Soulmaster says, "I hope that wasn't a pun, Sleipnir"
Paramedic asks, "Does it bother you when people kill Spriggins?"
Org du Lac exclaims, "And right in town square!"
Luminary ponders, "ugh. The spirit of Kodo has taken over Sir Sleipnir"
Malkor says, "Well, only the ones who owe me coins."
Paramedic asks, "Do you consider yourself a Spriggin, or just someone
close to them?"
Malkor says, "Me? Of course I'm a spriggin."
(Sleipnir scoffs quietly)
(Malkor twirls his spriggin stick confidently.)
(Paramedic nods)
(Malkor waves to his friend.)
Eating spriggin bits makes Malkor a little jumpy.
Paramedic asks, "So you just consider yourself a large spriggin?"
Malkor says, "Right. For some reason they don't like to eat as much as
I do."
Paramedic says, "Hmm. That makes sense."
Malkor exclaims, "See, that's exactly the sort of thing I'm talking
about!"
V'ree asks, "What?"
(Malkor points at Sleipnir.)
Paramedic asks, "That they killed that Spriggin?"
(V'ree was trying to help it escape)
Sleipnir says, "Spriggens are thieves, liars, and cheats."
Malkor says, "That oaf Sleipnir."
Paramedic says, "Hmm"
(Malkor points to the corpse.)
Paramedic says, "Maybe we should move to a new topic."
V'ree exclaims, "But it did not do anything to you, nor was it hurting
anything!"
(Sleipnir kills any spriggin he can catch)
Sleipnir says, "True, V'ree. It be a most unfair world."
Malkor says, "Him and his kind feel a need to compensate for their own
inadequacies by beating up poor li'l spriggins."
Malkor asks, "Did I mention only ugly people kill spriggins?"
Paramedic says, "No you didn't"
Sleipnir says, "I feel a need to beat up thieves and cheats."
(Malkor makes a high-pitched snarl.)
Sleipnir says, "Continue with the interview, I pray ye."
(Paramedic tries to settle Malkor down a bit)
Sleipnir says, "It be most entertaining."
V'ree says, "That would give everyone else the right to beat up
bullies, which would be for the most part, you Sleipnir"
Paramedic asks, "2) What do you say about the rumors you stole a sword
from Tenebrion?"
V'ree ponders, "he stole a sword of souls. No denying it"
Malkor asks, "Stole a sword?"
Paramedic says, "Or something"
Malkor says, "Yes, I suppose some people would call it "stealing."…"
Sleipnir ponders, "As I said. Spriggins are thieves."
(Malkor grumbles.)
Paramedic says, "Tell us your side of the story"
Sleipnir asks, "Do we wish to hear it, Paramedic?"
Malkor says, "I'm just doing what I know is right."
Paramedic says, "Yes we do."
Paramedic asks, "So what happened?"
(Sleipnir grumbles)
Malkor says, "Well, Tenebrion contacted me via the sunstone..."
Malkor says, "He asked me to do all sorts of things in exchange for a
sword of souls."
Paramedic says, "Mmm-hmm"
Paramedic asks, "and?"
Malkor exclaims, "He wants to turn that mirror in the South Forest into
a ripture to the void, you know!"
Paramedic asks, "He does?"
(Malkor nods.)
V'ree says, "Malkor said he was going to trade a purg pendant to
tenebrion for the sword. The trade went on, with tenebrion giving
Malkor a sword.. and Malkor ran off, not holding his part of the
bargain"
Malkor says, "Oh, pfft."
Paramedic says, "Go on, Malkor"
Malkor exclaims, "You're all a bunch of hypocrites!"
Malkor says, "Para, it's not fair."
Malkor says, "They slaughter innocent spriggins and pilfer coins
without giving it a second thought…"
V'ree ponders, "Malkor doesnt want to face the truth..."
(Paramedic listens)
Malkor exclaims, "But when I try the same on a truly evil man, I'm a
criminal!"
Paramedic asks, "So do you have a Sword of Souls now?"
Malkor says, "Erm, yeah…"
V'ree says, "Tenebrion is offering an award to get his sword back.... I
think"
Paramedic asks, "Have you tried it?"
Hawkthorn says, "he placed a bounty on malkor."
Sleipnir asks, "Doth he want Malkor's head with it?"
V'ree asks, "What is the bounty, anyway?"
Malkor says, "Yeah, I've got it, Para."
Malkor says, "I don't steal anyone's soul with it, 'coz I'm nice like
that."
Malkor says, "Though somedays…"
(Malkor glares at Sleipnir.)
(Sleipnir smiles sweetly)
Paramedic asks, "Has Tenebrion been in contact with you again?"
Malkor says, "Tenebrion? Yeah, he makes lots of threats."
Paramedic asks, "Do you fear him?"
Checkers says, "12"
Malkor says, "Well, I don't think he's much more powerful than your run
of the mill Darshak necromancer…"
Paramedic says, "hmmm"
Malkor says, "… but those scare me, too."
Paramedic says, "interesting"
Paramedic asks, "3) What do you think about the Orga Camp Raids? Are
exiles making progress?"
Malkor says, "Slowly."
Malkor says, "The recent death vermine infestation in the fourth camp
remains a problem."
(Malkor grumbles.)
Malkor says, "We need more exiles to attend the raids."
Paramedic asks, "Are the stones that exiles are getting really worth
all the trouble?"
Malkor exclaims, "Of course!"
Paramedic asks, "Why are they so important?"
(Malkor blinks.)
Malkor asks, "Er, you mean, to non-Mysitcs?"
Paramedic says, "Sure. Give our readers some insight on their value"
Malkor says, "Oh. Well, um…"
Paramedic says, "You don't have to give away secrets"
Paramedic says, "I mean sort of generally"
Malkor says, "Oh, that's easy."
Malkor exclaims, "Giving Mystics stones has subtle but important
impacts on numerous levels!"
Malkor ponders, "I thought everyone knew that."
Luminary ponders, "We interrupt this Fishwrap interview for a special
message. Join the next FMOCR, this Friday 1/26, starting around 9pm
EST, 6pm PST."
(Paramedic nods)
Paramedic asks, "4) Where are your favorite places to travel, Malkor?
Hunting grounds?"
(Malkor thinks.)
Malkor says, "That's a toughie."
Malkor says, "I'd have to say Purgatory."
Paramedic asks, "Purgatory???"
* You feel mentally enhanced by Wuss Magic...
(Malkor nods.)
Malkor says, "Oh, I know, it doesn't seem like a hunting ground..."
Paramedic says, "Why Purgatory?"
(Paramedic listens)
Org du Lac exclaims, "Paramedic, you know that's the favorite hunting
grounds for all mystics!"
Malkor says, "Now that Tenebrion's amassing undine forces in the plane
of Puragtory, I have a reason to stay."
Malkor exclaims, "I can slaughter hundreds of skeletons for hours on
end without ever finding the temple!"
* Your mental enhancement fades.
Paramedic asks, "Do you think we should go to war with Tenebrion to
stop him from experimenting with purgatory?"
Malkor says, "Certainly."
Paramedic asks, "Do we have a chance of defeating him?"
Malkor says, "If we act now, perhaps."
Paramedic asks, "So he's getting stronger all the time?"
(Malkor nods!)
Paramedic says, "Hmmm."
Malkor says, "If those pansy diplomats have their way, we'll be knee-
deep in Castle Guards by the time he's ready to invade."
Paramedic asks, "What did you think of Tarf's killing of the Tenebrion
ambassador?"
Malkor says, "Eh, he just played into Tenebrion's hands."
Malkor says, "That "ambassador" was a trap."
Paramedic asks, "Ah, just increased tensions as Tenebrion sought?"
Malkor says, "Tenebrion knew what would happen if he sent a clumsy spy
into town."
(Malkor nods.)
Paramedic says, "Hmm, interesting."
Paramedic asks, "Ok, 5) Do you have any thoughts on the Dal'Noth/Dew
Juice situation?"
Malkor exclaims, "Oh, a trainer who can help us harvest juices needs to
be located at once!"
Malkor exclaims, "My tips have been halved in just this past Zodiac,
and they're falling still!"
Paramedic asks, "Do you understand what these juices are?"
(Malkor shrugs.)
Malkor says, "I dunno. Maybe it's marketable as an exotic drink."
Paramedic says, "That was my thought."
Paramedic says, "it might be good over ice."
Malkor says, "Aye, a fine addition to Puddleby's brewery."
Paramedic says, "ok, in keeping with Fishwrap interview tradition, you
are now allowed to ask the Thoom 1 (ONE) question."
Malkor says, "Oh, hrm..."
Malkor says, "I'm even worse at interviewing than I am at being
interviewed."
Paramedic says, "It's a tricky business."
(Malkor thinks.)
Paramedic says, "I injure myself in interviews all the time."
Malkor says, "I can imagine."
Paramedic says, "Dislocated a flipper last week."
Paramedic says, "But anyway, your question please."
(Malkor nods.)
Malkor asks, "How much do I get paid for this interview?"
Paramedic says, "Special deal today. You receive 5 coins."
(Luminary chuckles)
Malkor exclaims, "Bah!"
You hand Malkor 5 coins. You have 151 remaining.
Org du Lac exclaims, "Think of the fame!"

#####
FISHWRAP INVESTIGATIVE REPORT:
ANIMALS EATING EXILES

I've been asking various exiles in town about their experiences with
this unspeakable and unfortunately common horror.

Bones says, "perhaps you could feed Malkor to animals as a side piece"
Althea says, "there's an idear"
(Bones nods.)
Paramedic asks, "Althea, can you tell us about your experiences with
animals gnawing on you?"
Althea says, "well it's usually rats..."
Paramedic asks, "How's it feel?"
Althea exclaims, "it hurts!"
Miranth ponders, "I hate rats"
Altir ponders, "them slugs get me."
Althea says, "the worst are the fire rats"
Althea says, "they chew up so much of you"
Paramedic asks, "Fire rats??"
(Althea nods solemnly)
Althea says, "its hard for a healer to find anything to heal"
Paramedic asks, "are they aflame?"
Althea says, "no..."
Althea says, "they are shiny tho"
Althea says, "like gold"
Althea says, "golden rats"
Paramedic asks, "How about when Orgas drag or push you?"
Althea exclaims, "its abuse, I say!"
Althea says, "showin their contempt"
Althea ponders, "at least they don't pee on us..."
Althea says, "but it could be worse..."
Paramedic asks, "What do you think the orgas are thinking? Do they want
to take you someplace?"
Althea says, "I've wondered about that..."
Althea says, "it seems... anti thoom to me."
Althea says, "cuz there we'll be... all dead in a nice line..."
Bones says, "raldin can create anti thooms"
Althea exclaims, "an then they push you out of formation!"
Althea says, "its like they taking whatever last lil shred of dignity
you have."
Paramedic asks, "So let's see here. Rats chew, orgas drag or push you,
what other creatures harass you when you are fallen?"
Althea says, "carrion arachne"
Bones says, "scav birds"
Paramedic asks, "What do they do?"
Althea says, "carrion arachne chew on ya... birds pluck yer eyes out."
Paramedic says, "Yes, that's quite painful"
(Althea nods)
Althea says, "whats so bad about it..."
Althea says, "is that when a rescue does come..."
Althea says, "sometimes they can't raise you."
Paramedic asks, "Any other beasts do anything once you are fallen?"
Althea says, "Adua once..."
(Paramedic listens)
Althea says, "was ratted for 2 hours"
Althea says, "by 30 rats"
Paramedic says, "That sounds awful"
Althea says, "when they finally got her back to town"
(Althea looks around)
Althea says, "she was beyond the power of the moonstone to heal."
(Althea shudders)
Paramedic says, "Not good"
Althea says, "she had to depart."
Althea says, "very bad."
Paramedic asks, "Any other beasts do anything once you are fallen?"
(Althea thinks)
Althea says, "yes."
Althea says, "Orga Zealots"
(Paramedic listens)
Marteria says, "they pick at you...it happened to me. darn rats"
Althea says, "if they find you fallen in the Outback..."
Paramedic asks, "Oh?"
Althea says, "they chant and send you to the Orga Village."
Paramedic says, "Oh yes a Zealot got me once."
Althea says, "way *deep* into the orga village."
Paramedic says, "Yes, it was quite a trip"
Althea says, "very annoying."
Althea says, "anyway..."
Paramedic says, "Even if you're still on your feet, animal attacks are
quite painful."
Althea says, "aye..."
(Althea nods)
Althea says, "they like to go fer the hinder too"
Paramedic says, "Ouch."
Paramedic says, "Some exiles have had a dew shoved down their throat."
Althea says, "yes, Qual likes to do that..."
Althea says, "dews like to chew on you too."
Paramedic says, "Painful and humiliating, I understand."
(Althea nods)
Althea says, "its happened to many many exiles."
Althea says, "thooms too."
Paramedic says, "How awful."
(Althea nods)
Paramedic yells, "Thoom!"
Paramedic says, "Thanks for some insight on animal attacks."
Althea says, "sure para"

Paramedic asks, "Mr. Rutabaga, can I ask a question of you for a
Fishwrap article?"
Rutabaga asks, "what's a fishwrap?"
Paramedic asks, "My magazine. You've never read it?"
Rutabaga says, "no"
Rutabaga says, "but go ahead"
Paramedic says, "Over 140 exiles read it."
Paramedic says, "http://www.egroups.com/group/fishwrapmagazine"
Rutabaga says, "well"
Rutabaga says, "I'm prone to overlook things"
Paramedic says, "You should check it out sometime."
Rutabaga exclaims, "sure!"
Thrund ponders, "must be hard to overlook when you're prone"
Rutabaga ponders, "actually it's the easiest time to fall victim"
Paramedic asks, "The question is: What is it like when you fall to a
monster?"
Rutabaga says, "Don't know"
Paramedic asks, "What do you think about as you wait for a rescue?"
Rutabaga says, "I never have"
Paramedic asks, "You've never fallen?"
Rutabaga says, "to a monster no"
Paramedic asks, "What have you fallen to?"
Rutabaga says, "Umm"
Rutabaga says, "Tree Giant"
Rutabaga says, "Err"
Rutabaga says, "Umm"
Paramedic says, "Well, those count as monsters"
(Rutabaga scratches his head)
Rutabaga asks, "They do?"
Rutabaga says, "They're not overtly monstrous"
Paramedic says, "Yeah, for our purposes here"
Rutabaga says, "they're animals"
Rutabaga says, "Oh"
Rutabaga says, "okie"
Bokonon ponders, "a giant attacking tree seems like a monster to me"
Paramedic asks, "Do they gnaw on you?"
Rutabaga says, "yes"
Paramedic asks, "is that painful?"
Rutabaga says, "Umm, no"
Paramedic asks, "How about when rats gnaw on you?"
Rutabaga ponders, "Tree Giants are beings"
Rutabaga asks, "huh?"
Paramedic asks, "Does it hurt when rats gnaw on you?"
Rutabaga says, "No"
Paramedic says, "Interesting."
Rutabaga says, "I don't have a nervous system"
Paramedic asks, "Because you're a vegetable?"
Rutabaga exclaims, "you got it!"
Rutabaga asks, "what do we have for him Bob?"
(Paramedic writes that down.)
(Rutabaga): Well...we have dinner for 2 at Fishy Pete's!
(Rutabaga): Fishy Pete's, where the only thing that is fishy is his
prices!
Paramedic says, "Well, thank you, Rutabaga, for your help."
(WormTounge smiles.)
Rutabaga is a Sylvan, is male, is a Fighter, and is wearing the symbol
of Brotherhood of Independents.
He is holding a shovel.
(His cannibalism is only preceded by his vanity.)

Paramedic asks, "How about you Tigger?"
Tigger asks, "What Para?"
Paramedic asks, "What is it like when beasts chew on you when you are
fallen?"
Rutabaga asks, "Where's my gift Para?"
Tigger asks, "What do you mean what is it like?"
You hand Rutabaga 5 coins. You have 173 remaining.
Rutabaga says, "Ooo"
(Rutabaga plans to spend it all in one place)
Rutabaga ponders, "8995 to go!"
(WormTounge grins.)
Paramedic asks, "Well, do you feel pain?"
Tigger exclaims, "It's not fun if that's what you mean!"
Paramedic asks, "Is it awful?"
Paramedic says, "Yeah that's what I mean."
Tigger says, "Well I am kinda ticklish..."
Paramedic says, "Hmm."
Tigger says, "The nibbling on the paws tends to tickle."
Tigger says, "Scavenger beaks in eyeball not so fun."
Drenn says, "I think not."
Paramedic asks, "Which beast would you rather have chewing on you?"
Tigger says, "hmm..."
Tigger says, "Definitely not leeches."
(Paramedic nods)
Paramedic asks, "Which is the worst beast to chew on you?"
Tigger says, "I suppose the rats are relatively gentle."
Polnareff is now Clanning.
Tigger says, "Although they tend to attack in groups."
Tigger says, "Sometimes I have one or more for each appendage."
Paramedic asks, "How about mahas? Do they take big bites?"
Tigger says, "Well yes, but they've never chewed on my fallen carcass
as I recall."
Paramedic says, "Ahh, good point."
Tigger says, "They prefer fresh meat."
Tigger says, "I'd rather face a maha than a bolok though, I don't know
why."
Tigger says, "Boloks always seem to be in a really bad mood."
Paramedic asks, "How about the varieties of Orgas?"
Tigger asks, "Orgas?"
Paramedic says, "Yes."
Tigger says, "I also don't remember them bothering with fallen exiles."
Tigger says, "Hmm yes, that can happen."
Tigger says, "Sometimes the arachnoids push me around too."
Paramedic asks, "Where do you think they want to take them?"
Tigger says, "Well, it might just be attributed to clumsiness or
boredom."
Paramedic says, "Hmm."
Tigger says, "Exile pushball perhaps they would call it."
Paramedic exclaims, "Thanks Tigger!"

Drenn says, "Hello Paramedic."
Felicity says, "hi"
Paramedic says, "Hello Drenn, Felicity"
Felicity says, "hi ya"
Paramedic asks, "Would you like to answer a quick question for FIshwrap
Magazine?"
(Felicity is bein lazy right now)
Drenn asks, "Me or her?"
Paramedic says, "Both of you."
Felicity says, "sure If I can"
Drenn says, "sure"
(Felicity sits up to give you her attention)
Paramedic says, "Well, I was wondering what you feel like when beasts
gnaw on you when you are fallen."
Paramedic asks, "Is it pretty horrible?"
(Felicity looks to Drenn first)
Drenn says, "oh, sheesh"
Felicity says, "you go ahead"
Drenn says, "It is very painful."
(Paramedic nods and writes it down.)
Drenn says, "I can feel every bite that they take out of me."
Felicity says, "I cry like a baby"
Paramedic asks, "Are vermine the worst?"
Drenn says, "I try to ignore it by joking, but the truth is it's a
searing pain."
(Paramedic nods.)
Drenn says, "Rats are by far the worst."
Felicity says, "I get scared"
Drenn says, "Their sharp teeth..."
Felicity says, "and yes rats are the worst"
Felicity says, "that is what I was going to say too"
Paramedic says, "Mmmhmm."
(Drenn shudders.)
Felicity says, "they hurt me bad"
Paramedic says, "So a quick rescue is definitely a good thing."
Drenn says, "Oh, yes."
Drenn says, "Definately."
Felicity says, "i can never stop crying till a rescuer comes"
Drenn says, "It's true, I've seen her."
Felicity says, "it is just awful"
Paramedic asks, "Have you ever been pushed or pulled by an Orga while
you were fallen?"
Drenn says, "Yes."
(Felicity nods yes)
Drenn says, "That's not so bad."
Paramedic says, "Oh really."
Felicity says, "pushed around"
Paramedic asks, "Why do you think Orgas do that?"
Felicity says, "they like to throw their weight around"
Felicity says, "to show themselves as being tougher"
Paramedic says, "Hrm."
Drenn says, "They just want to take the direct path, and if I'm there,
I must be moved."
Felicity says, "like "get ya while yer down""
Paramedic asks, "So basically it's the vermine and the orga that bother
you most when fallen?"
Felicity says, "rats"
Drenn says, "The orga don't bother me."
Felicity says, "not vermine"
Paramedic says, "And rats."
Felicity says, "vermine are nuttin"
Paramedic says, "Indeed"
Felicity says, "orgas.. I can out run"
Drenn says, "sometimes they scratch my back nicely when the push."
Felicity says, "rats get on me nerves"
Paramedic says, "Hrm."
Paramedic asks, "How about when you're still alive but in danger? Are
mahas and boloks a problem?"
Drenn exclaims, "By the Goddess, yes!"
Felicity says, "they eat my tail"
Paramedic says, "Oh dear."
(Felicity twitches her tail)
Drenn says, "They should be hunted."
Paramedic says, "I've sewed back on many a fen tail."
Drenn says, "Skinned and eaten."
(Felicity nods)
Diomedes says, "indeed."
Paramedic asks, "Are mahas pretty much the worst thing in south
forest?"
Drenn says, "Yes"
Felicity says, "it is awfull... they won't let up either.. they chase
me everywhere"
Drenn says, "Definately."
Drenn says, "I only enter the marshes to get to Savannah."
(Felicity shudders at the mention of south forest)
(Paramedic writes that down.)
(Felicity avoids south forest like a bad sickness)
Paramedic asks, "Any other beasts you find especially troublesome?"
Drenn says, "T'rool."
(Paramedic nods.)
Drenn says, "I hate them almost as much as I hate Darshak."
Felicity says, "I tend to hide behind toughies to heal.. and only come
out for a whack at critters' behinds"
(Paramedic nods)
Paramedic says, "It's tough being a healer out in the wild sometimes."
Felicity says, "lsw and green noids bite me hard too.."
Drenn ponders, "I'm sure."
Felicity says, "aye"
Felicity says, "it is.."
Felicity says, "but I have lots who watch out for me"
(Paramedic nods.)
Felicity says, "the joy of bein a healer is yer needed"
(Felicity is luved)
(Felicity purrs)
Paramedic says, "Thank you both, these will be very helpful for the new
"Animals Eating Exiles" article"
(Felicity grins)
Drenn says, "You are welcome."
You gave good karma to Felicity, thoom!
Paramedic yells, "Thoom!"
Felicity says, "thanks, Paramedic"
You just received good karma from Drenn, Anytime

#####
MONOLITH'S PERSONAL SCRATCHING POST: FEN ISSUES FOR FEN EXILES
BY MONOLITH THE GOOD

Greetings fellow exiles. I have been promising Paramedic that I would
write something for the Fishwrap for some time now. I have recently
found myself with more time and many issues that I wish to write about.

Today the issue that troubles me is the lost art of our fighting
traditions. I know that the village I was raised in was very grounded
in the Fen martial arts, fighting with tooth and claw. Now I love my
axe and other weapons as much as the next Fen, but if they are lost am
I lost too? I say that we can't let our traditions die just because we
are in exile. What I propose is that we approach the monastery and ask
them to allow us to practice there developing our traditional Fen
weaponless fighting techniques and studying the monastic techniques as
well. It would be mutually beneficial.

I can recall fondly, my father training me in the traditions of our
people. I also recall that he was matchless with a spear as well.
Keeping our traditions does not mean that we reject what we have
learned from others in exile. It means that we can share and enrich the
experience of not just other Fens, but all those who are exiled with
us. Keep Fen traditions alive!

#####
STRANGE STONE REPORT
BY ZORTON

Many still seem to be asking, am I still in possession of the strange
stone? I can happily say that I still am. Since there still seems to
be so many questions revolving around the stone. I'm passing on more
of what I have learned. There was some controversy over the nature of
the stone that was brought about by the first three breaking in the
hands of the mystics that had acquired them. Some thought perhaps it
wasn't a mystic tool, others thought the stone needed some sort of
tuning or charging. Well, after now having the stone for over 3
months, the controversy seems to be clearing. Here is what I know.

The Strange Stone is identical in effect as the teleport ring was
before the rip-wars. The ring was a mystic tool.

Full Mystics have a trainer that deals with Teleportation.

The stone prior to the current wave remained "Dark" when equipped.
There appears to have been some unknown reason in which the stone was
not correctly assessing the mystics training in its use. I think this
is why they broke so quickly for the mystic who had one in the past.

Since right after the last chaos storm the Stone now glows in a variety
of different levels when equipped. The level or the "Glow" is still
under investigation, but appears related to the level of training I
have in the teleport trainer. The glow can range anywhere from "Glows
Brightly" to "Flickers" or it can even remain "Dark" on occasion.
Most of my equips cause the stone to "glow" or "glow Brightly" which
seems to be a good sign.

I don't believe the stone requires any charging or tuning. I have
tried numerous areas including the Bartok Altar in the Orga Village.
They don't seem related.

I have now successfully used the stone 3 times now, 2 times to "mark a
location" and one to actually teleport to that mark.

I hope this clears up some of the questions that still linger.
-Zorton

#####
INTERVIEW WITH THE WITCHES

<http://www.geocities.com/mikeswanson_98/fw/interviewwitches.gif>

Luce is a Sylvan, is female, is a Healer, and is wearing the symbol of
the Sisters of Benevolence.
She is holding a caduceus and a wooden shield.
(You have to pay me 5 coins to read this.)
Ashe is a Sylvan, is female, is a Healer, and is wearing the symbol of
the Sisters of Benevolence.
She is holding a caduceus and a wooden shield.
(Ashe has decided to remain celibate.)
Paramedic says, "Thoom"
Ashe says, "Doom."
Luce asks, "Slice of Thoom anyone?"
Paramedic asks, "Mind if I ask you a question for the Fishwrap?"
Ashe says, "forge onward tasty thoom"
Paramedic asks, "What's it like when a beast gnaws on you when you are
fallen?"
Ashe says, "dunno, I've never fallen"
Paramedic asks, "Really?"
Ashe says, "nope, we're immortal"
Paramedic asks, "Ever considered gnawing on a fallen exile?"
Luce says, "I have a statement for the Fishwrap."
(Paramedic listens.)
Luce says, "This town will have to start being a whole lot more
generous to witches or they might have to move to another business
district."
Paramedic asks, "More generous? How so?"
(Ashe looks at the single coin in her purse)
Luce exclaims, "I cannot afford my skin medicine!"
Paramedic says, "Ah donations"
Luce exclaims, "I cannot afford my pendant!"
Paramedic asks, "You can't work for a living?"
Ashe says, "it's a crying shame, the lack of respect in this dingy
burg"
Luce says, "I'm working right now."
Paramedic says, "Hmm"
Paramedic asks, "Ever consider rescuing people?"
Luce says, "Let your readers know."
Ashe exclaims, "oh sure, it's always the witches, coming to the
rescue!"
Ashe exclaims, "help me! help me!"
Paramedic says, "Might help pay the bills."
Ashe says, "well, someday, we just might not be around, and then you'll
all realize how much we're needed"
Luce says, "And don't come running crying to us then."
Ashe says, "not unless you've got a lot of coins to give us, anyway"
Paramedic asks, "What services do witches offer to the local citizens?"
Luce says, "Moral leadership."
Ashe says, "Career Guidance"
Ashe says, "Sage Advice"
Luce says, "Investment advice."
(Paramedic nods.)
Ashe says, "Monetary Divestiture"
Ashe says, "and such"
Paramedic says, "So you see yourself as investment specialists."
Ashe says, "the economy of this town would be an entirely different
animal without us around"
Luce says, "In a largely moral sense."
Paramedic says, "Hmm."
(Luce scratches)
Paramedic asks, "But you don't have enough customers?"
Ashe says, "we don't charge for our services! it's donations only"
Law'n St'ple can never tell which witch is which.
Paramedic says, "Ahh..."
Luce says, "There is no shortage of work here, that's for certain."
(Ashe nods, sagely.)
Ashe says, "don't mention it"
Paramedic says, "Excuse me while I heal this dwarf."
Ashe says, "sure, but they'll just last longer if you do"
(Paramedic nods.)
Luce says, "That's one of the wider problems right there."
Ashe says, "yup"
Paramedic asks, "Too many dwarves?"
Ashe says, "dorf coddling"
Saturnus is now Clanning.
Luce says, "And too much healing of them."
Ashe says, "ought to be laws"
Paramedic says, "hrm."
Paramedic asks, "How about sylvans?"
Ashe says, "well, they taste terrible and smell awful, but at least
they're not dorfs"
(Paramedic listens and makes notes.)
Paramedic asks, "Any thoughts on fen, while we're on this topic?"
Ashe exclaims, "you could do a lot worse, like a dorf for instance!"
Ashe exclaims, "Althea!"
Luce says, "Shaving them before cooking is a pain."
Althea says, "greetings Ashe"
(Althea smiles)
Ashe exclaims, "whotcha!"
Althea says, "nice to see you :)"
Ashe says, "of course it is! ; )"
Paramedic says, "They are very furry, yes."
Paramedic says, "Some exiles think that witches are a force for evil."
Ashe asks, "some exiles think buggers are a nice meal... what's yer
point?"
Luce says, "Might as well say the earth is flat. Nothing is further
from the truth."
Paramedic says, "I wondered if you had a comment on it."
Paramedic says, "So you deny it."
(Althea chuckles)
Luce says, "That we even have to is scandalous."
Ashe says, "might as well believe in the Mainland"
Paramedic asks, "Witches don't believe in the mainland?"
Ashe says, "oh, come on"
Althea says, "well... this has been fun."
(Althea waves)
(Paramedic smiles and waves.)
Ashe says, "it's just a convenient excuse for all them thieves and
buggerers to say they was exiled from"
Ashe says, "nonsense"
Althea is no longer Clanning.
Tere says, "Sisters."
Paramedic says, "Ah Tere is here."
Ashe says, "hey sis"
Luce says, "Sis."
Luce says, "I see you can afford your skin medicine."
Paramedic asks, "So in general the witches are underfunded?"
Ashe says, "exactly"
Tere says, "very much so, Paramedic"
Luce says, "Not so general."
Luce says, "It is very very specific."
Tere says, "a town's heart is reflected in how it treats its witches."
Luce says, "A measure of the civilization."
Paramedic asks, "So the lack of income restricts your activity? Or just
keeps you from your skin dyes/medicine?"
Ashe says, "it will if they don't pony up soon ; )"
Tere says, "distinctly lacking here, Luce."
(Ashe nods)
Luce says, "It restricts the healthy growth of the town."
Tere says, "its why the mirrors are still closed."
Paramedic says, "Ah interesting."
Paramedic asks, "An infusion of money to witches might help open the
mirror?"
Ashe exclaims, "oh, undoubtedly!"
(Tere nods)
Luce asks, "Might?"
(Paramedic nods his head suspiciously.)
Ashe says, "we're just too busy try to make ends meet to open them
right now"
Tere asks, "I passed 3rd and yet where is my cad?"
Paramedic says, "I see."
(Ashe tsks)
Paramedic asks, "Do you feel that exiles discriminate against you
because they misunderstand you?"
Tere says, "I think they're just mean."
Ashe says, "and stupid"
Ashe says, "and ungrateful"
Tere says, "yes Ashe..."
Paramedic asks, "What have witches done for exiles?"
Tere says, "they don't understand their own best interests"
Ashe says, "first starters, we point out their shortcomings"
Tere says, "freely."
Paramedic says, "That can be helpful I suppose."
Ashe asks, "how can an exile improve if they don't know how stupid they
are?"
(Ashe sharpens her shiny claws)
Paramedic asks, "What else can you do for exiles?"
Tere says, "very true, Ashe."
Luce says, "Lighten their burden."
Ashe says, "well, as we said before, monetary advice"
Tere says, "give them opportunities to feel generous"
Fletcher is no longer sharing experiences with you.
Ashe exclaims, "yes! yes! that's a very good one!"
Paramedic says, "I see."
Ashe says, "plus we help stop them from buying frivolous things"
Tere says, "indeed that is so."
Paramedic asks, "Like fancy clothing?"
Ashe says, "yeah, or food and stuff"
Paramedic asks, "Do you ever do traditional witchy things? Hang out
with undine, consort with dark forces, etc.?"
Tere says, "that's for posers"
Ashe asks, "well, we could... but why would we?"
Paramedic asks, "Oh?"
Luce says, "Una has a dark force."
Paramedic asks, "Una does?"
Ashe says, "una has a dark everything"
Luce says, "Prue consorts with her quite frequently."
Paramedic asks, "Is Una one of you?"
Ashe says, "a sister, yes"
Paramedic asks, "How about Prue?"
Ashe says, "yup"
Paramedic says, "Some say Prue is merely a witch in training."
Luce says, "Try not to make fun of her weaknesses. She is very
sensitive."
(Ashe nods)
Tere says, "touchy."
(Paramedic nods sympathetically.)
Ashe asks, "Lodovik, you got that 10 coins you owe me yet?"
Tere says, "Malkor still owes me that 300."
Prue is now Clanning.
Paramedic asks, "Malkor owes you money?"
Tere says, "yes."
Ashe says, "this town exists on the backs of us witches"
Luce says, "Speaking of weaknesses."
Eek says, "He owes everyone money"
Paramedic says, "Oh here's Prue now."
Paramedic says, "Hello Prue"
Paramedic says, "We were just talking about you."
Prue asks, "where's Unafish?"
Ashe says, "eating raw fish from what I hear"
Luce says, "She couldn't eat through her wrist."
(Paramedic counts four witches.)
Tere says, "he can count."
Tere says, "imagine that."
(Paramedic nods.)
Ashe says, "wow"
Ashe says, "well, he does have four flippers, bet he can't go higher"
Paramedic says, "We Thooms invented mathematics."
Paramedic asks, "So is this a typical witchy day?"
Ashe says, "every day is a witchy day"
Paramedic asks, "I mean, you don't have a to-do list?"
Prue asks, "we just gonna sit here lookin pretty?"
Tere says, "yes. no one is taking advantaage of the opportunity to be
generous."
Tere says, "sad, that."
Ashe says, "so much wasted potential"
Tere says, "I mean, here we are..."
Tere says, "there they sit with their full purses..."
Prue exclaims, "Keep Prue green!"
Tere says, "and I still don't have a cad."
(Paramedic watches Prue speak to Valtrim.)
Valtrim says, "She's green enough."
Ashe asks, "you see what we have to put up with?"
Paramedic says, "The exiles seem unwilling to give you coins."
Tere says, "the crosses we have to bear..."
Prue asks, "are you gonna give me some money, or what?"
Valtrim asks, "Or what?"
(Prue shakes her head.)
Prue says, "Be a good cat. Pick the other one."
Paramedic says, "Maybe you should give them something more tangible in
exchange for their coins."
Tere asks, "what more could we give them?"
Paramedic asks, "What do you have?"
Luce asks, "What is intangible about Purpose to their miserable lives?"
Tere says, "I suppose our undivided attention."
Ashe asks, "what could be better than opportunity?"
Paramedic says, "Hrm."
Paramedic says, "You could heal them."
Tere asks, "do you think they want our undivided attention, Sisters?"
Ashe says, "I wouldn't if I was them"
(Tere cackles)
(Prue sighs and writes something on a scrap of cloth)
(Luce starts writing the bill for the interview.)
Paramedic says, "Well, I think you've provided exiles with a better
understanding of the difficulties of being a witch."
Luce asks, "Is the gratuity included or not? I keep forgetting?"
Paramedic says, "Maybe this will change some minds about you."
Tere says, "include it."
Ashe says, "only in groups of six or more"
Tere says, "oh..."
(Tere shrugs)
Ashe says, "minds are like diapers, no one wants to have to change
them"
Prue asks, "I smell investigative reporting! What's going on here?"
Paramedic says, "An interview."
Tere says, "Para bought an interview with us."
(Paramedic nods.)
Tere says, "I think we're billing him."
Luce asks, "What are your circulation numbers?"
Paramedic says, "141 is the circulation."
Prue says, "we're being interviewed."
Luce says, "Strangely the bill comes to an even 141 coins due to each
of us. Plus gratuity."
(Paramedic waits for the bill.)
Slyph says, "wow.."
Ashe says, "that sounds awfully fair"
Ashe asks, "you sure that's right?"
Tere says, "generous of us."
(Luce checks her figures.)
Ashe says, "well, we have to set an example"
Prue says, "we should get royalties. reprint fees."
Mr Pudding says, "burn the transcript"
Luce says, "The numbers add up. It is the interest which will hurt them
if they leave it unpaid for long."
Ashe asks, "what about overseas value added stuff?"
Paramedic says, "Oh don't worry, The ThoomCare Media Network will pick
up the tab."
Prue says, "Pudding, get the hell out of here. This ain't about you."
Ashe says, "there's always plenty of interest when witches are involved
; )"
(Paramedic examines the bill closely.)
Tere says, "he wants a witch's kiss, perhaps"
(Mr Pudding): Mr Pudding blinks...
Kelan ponders, "If I were Paramedic, I'd tell them that I had given the
full amount to Prue, and ask them to work out the split amongst
themselves."
(Luce dons a fresh coat of lipstick)
Mr Pudding asks, "is that a good thing, or bad thing?"
Paramedic says, "Oh, no, I didn't order this meat platter."
(Paramedic scratches out the meat platter.)
Luce says, "The side of dorf was a freebie."
Paramedic says, "I think Valtrim might have ordered that meat."
(Ashe nods)
(Paramedic hands the witches a voucher and his ThoomCharge™ card.)
Paramedic says, "Well, thank you all. I think you've answered some
questions for many curious exiles."
Ashe says, "; )"
Tere asks, "when will you pay our invoice?"
Paramedic says, "Our accountants will make sure the payment is
covered."
Mr Pudding asks, "Para, can I put a sentence in the article anywhere?"
Paramedic says, "That was your sentence, Mr. Pudding."
Mr Pudding ponders, "nuts"
(Paramedic writes it down.)
(Ashe smirks)
Paramedic asks, "Is there something you'd like to be asked,. Prue?"
Luce says, "As a columnist, Prue, you'll be able to address any missing
issues."
Rael the Squonk says, "Rgh"
Rael the Squonk says, "ARgh"
Paramedic says, "Indeed."
Paramedic says, "We're still waiting for Ask Auntie Prue."
Rael the Squonk yells, "Double ARGH!"
Prue exclaims, "I missed *all* the questions?!"
Tere says, "didn't take much... small subject."
Paramedic says, "Well Prue, perhaps you'd answer a few questions."
(Tere prepares to write a new invoice.)
Prue says, "I dunno.... I'm a little offended now"
Paramedic asks, "Could you tell us about your upcoming column, Ask
Auntie Prue?"
Prue says, "Sure. In "Ask Aunie Prue" I'll always remember that Prue is
the most important part of the story."
(Paramedic nods.)
Prue says, "write that down"
Prue says, "Prue most important"
(Paramedic writes that down.)
Paramedic says, ""Prue = important""
Paramedic asks, "What sort of questions will you answer?"
Prue says, "Ones that amuse me."
(Paramedic writes that down.)
Prue says, "Oh.... and ones poeple pay me to answer."
Paramedic says, "Hmm."
Paramedic says, "Ok, moving to question #2."
Paramedic asks, "Some say you are the most "sensitive" of the witches.
Any comment?"
(Ashe smirks)
Slyph thinks, "!"
Prue asks, "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
Shadowfire thinks, "She's a witch, she is supposed to be odd. :)"
Paramedic says, "Well, maybe "thin-skinned" is a better word."
Ashe ponders, "uh oh"
(Tere coughs)
Prue asks, "That's a bunch of crap! Who says that?"
Prue says, "I'm as easy going as they get."
Paramedic says, "I have to keep my sources secret. You understand."
Luce says, "I'll swap you a dorf sauce recipe for one of yours."
Tere says, "sure. I like having my spirit drained."
Tere says, "thanks."
Prue says, "Then let's just agree that when I get names, I'll tell you
where to dig."
Prue exclaims, "Look at me, thoom. Now I'm writing something down!"
(Prue writes.)
(Paramedic's eyes bulge.)
Prue says, "it's shorthand"
(Prue laughs and laughs)

NEXT ISSUE: PART TWO

#####
COMING SOON TO THE FISHWRAP

"Puddleby Fashion" by Althea the Sylvan
"Dear Slyph"
"Ask Auntie Prue"
Part Two of the Prue Interview

#####
Fishwrap Magazine is brought to you by Para Publishing (part of the
ThoomCare Media Network)

Publisher and Editor: Paramedic

Senior reporters: Crippler, Charlos

Roving reporters and contributors: Althea, Babajaga, Bones, Callia,
Jeanne, K'Pyn, Monolith, Norm, Prue, Slyph, Tuan, Tyking II

A newspaper is only as good as its reporters, and we are always looking
for new stories. If you have news you think belongs in Fishwrap
Magazine, send Paramedic some mail (mailbox #1047) or email him at his
scroll:
<http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Highrise/2084/>

"Fishwrap Magazine: Thoom News You Can Use"