"Fishwrap Magazine: read it in the morning, wrap your leftover talking
lizard snacks with it in the afternoon"
Issue #23: Hearts of Tan, Lorikeet's Letter
[December 1, 2000]
Circulation: 114

Note: Fishwrap Magazine is now available on the World Wide Webscrolly-
thingy.
<http://www.egroups.com/group/fishwrapmagazine>
You can subscribe here and also read all the back issues.
Check out the few Fishwrap logo, provided by Odesseus!

#####
SPONSORS

This issue of the Fishwrap Magazine is brought to you by the following
sponsors:
* Clan Pogue Mahone: <http://www.poguemahone.org/>
* Nohn the Fen: <http://drennen.org/cl>
* Mi'seil the Thoom: <http://homepage.mac.com/myselfthethoom/>
* Odesseus the Fen: <http://www.roundspace.com/odesseus/>
* ThoomCare: Puddleby's only HMO:
<http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Highrise/2084>

#####
THOOM HEADLINE NEWS
THE NEWS IN BRIEF FOR BUSY EXILES

brought to you by Fishwrap reporters:
* Algernon's back
* Outcast impersonators invade Puddleby
* Exiles learn how to follow and conga lines are found throughout town
center
* Exiles learn how to gauge time of day by looking into the sky
* Rumors fly that missing bank money pumped into a slush fund to build
mysterious new northern wall in the Orchard
* Northwest Forest reptiles learn to talk and count
What caused this horrible freak of nature?
<http://www.egroups.com/files/fishwrapmagazine/Talking+herpetid/>
* Paramedic's Feast of Tsarrin pictures now available
<http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Highrise/2084/>

brought to you by Norm:
* Nyssa a full mystic
* More Darshak and T'rool invasions
* Full Moon raid on Orga Camp poorly attended
for more information on the above stories, see Norm's Adventures
<http://members.aol.com/NormsDiary>


#####
HELP WANTED

Fishwrap Magazine is still looking for a few more contributors,
reporters and advertisers. Advertising rates are quite affordable.
Your ad will be read by over 100 exiles!

Contact Paramedic if you are interested.

#####
FEATURE INTERVIEW:
CLAN CLOSEUP WITH HEARTS OF TAN

Paramedic says, "Ok. I'll ask you 5 questions about your clan"
Yorg says, "ok"
Tas says, "we have our scrolls at: http://tanhearts.org"
Paramedic says, "You can all answer"
(Sabbit waves)
Tas exclaims, "'lo Karkras!"
(Yorg waves)
Karkras exclaims, "Hello!"
Paramedic asks, "1) What are the principles of your clan?"
Tas says, "Para is interviewing us for Fishwrap"
(Karkras waves)
Henryk says, "Karkras, we are being interviewed by Fishwrap"
Karkras asks, "Who's answering?"
Karkras says, "Our principles are:"
Karkras says, "Loyalty, Fellowship, Honor"
Yorg says, "the whole adventure"
(Paramedic nods)
(Tas nods)
Solohawk yells, "hi all"
Medissa says, "Hey Fist"
Henryk says, "to share with and help one another as much as we possible
can : D"
Henryk says, ":D"
Drenn exclaims, "Hi everybody!"
Paramedic asks, "sharing is important?"
Yorg says, "yep"
Fist of Fluff says, "Yes it is"
Henryk says, "to help rather"
Henryk says, "sharing is important"
Henryk says, "yes"
Paramedic asks, "how about hunting?"
Fist of Fluff says, "We help each other as much as possible"
Yorg yells, "HUNTING!"
Tas says, "our creed: The Heart of Tan:"
Tas says, "Forged in the Fires of Compassion"
Tas says, "With the Iron of Fellowship,"
Tas says, "Tempered to Steel by Danger, and"
Tas says, "Enchanted by the Magic of shared discovery:"
Karkras says, ""To explore and rescue at the ragged edge of our
abilities, to have fun, and to develop into a unique and proud clan""
Henryk says, "we are going on a hunt right after this meeting"
(Tas nods)
Yorg says, "yahhooo'"
Solohawk yells, "Hearts of Tan!"
Paramedic exclaims, "ah!"
Paramedic asks, "so exploration too, hmm?"
Fist of Fluff says, "Yes"
Karkras says, "Our Creed:"
Henryk says, "new experiences…"
Yorg says, "it provides the practice"
(Paramedic nods)
Karkras says, "The Heart of Tan is the Sword in our Hands,"
Karkras says, "the Armor on our Back,"
(Yorg whistles a tribute to Tan)
Karkras says, "the Spirit that Links us,"
Fist of Fluff says, ""Tan" represents the Newbie inside us all"
Sabbit ponders, "What a novelist!"
Karkras says, "the Mind that Unites us,"
Karkras exclaims, "and the Virtue that Guides us!"
(Yorg smiles)
(Paramedic takes notes)
Paramedic says, "ok"
Medissa says, ": )"
Fist of Fluff says, "Treat each experience as if it were your first"
Karkras says,
"That's right, Fluff."
Paramedic asks, "2) where do you like to hunt?"
Yorg says, "everywhere"
Tas says, "That's right."
(Paramedic notes that too)
Sabbit says, "south forest a lot"
Yorg says, "savannah"
Paramedic asks, "any favorite hunting grounds?"
Sabbit says, "Always find Kar there"
Tas says, "Orion wood, 'noids…"
Fist of Fluff says, "I personally like hunting Adult Rocks and South
Forest"
Tas says, "we're going to the dark temple next."
Drenn says, "South forest is a favorite of mine."
Henryk says, "mine is kitty beach"
Yorg says, "not yet"
Medissa says, ": )"
(Tas smiles to Athala)
Karkras says, "We all have our favourite places, individually, but as a
Clan, we like to challenge a new territory every month."
Athala says, "=)"
Fist of Fluff says, "That'"
Paramedic exclaims, "So it sounds like you like quite a variety of
hunting grounds!"
Fist of Fluff says, "That's right"
Karkras says, "For instance, today, we are headed to Ash Island."
(Yorg nods in agreement)
(Sabbit likes north forest and spirit wood area… NE of town by lily
pond)
(Medissa sighs)
Sabbit says, "sorry"
Rugur says, "we're explorers and rescuers"
Karkras says, "Personally, it's tough to get me out of Muddy North
Forest."
Henryk raises his ale in a hearty toast.
Paramedic asks, "Do you have any special thoughts on how best to do
group hunting?"
Karkras says, "Oh yes."
Fist of Fluff raises his ale on high, and drains it in one gulp.
Tas says, "Structurely we do have a set of members called "Guiding
Hearts""
Karkras says, "Coordination is key."
Yorg says, "healers stay back"
Karkras says, "We have two special tactics for that."
(Henryk agress with Karkras)
Yorg says, "and heal"
Sabbit ponders, "is this all of us?"
(Paramedic nods)
Tas says, "We successfully used teams"
(Paramedic listens)
Yorg says, "buddy system"
Karkras says, "One is the "alpha buddy" system."
(Paramedic listens)
Yorg says, "I dunno the other"
Tas says, "In the team method, teams of 5 worked well one time."
Karkras says, "Where all members choose the Exile with the name
following theirs, alphabetically."
(Sabbit figits)
Tas says, "with a good balance of healer/fighters"
Fist of Fluff says, "We keep an eye on that person"
(Yorg smiles)
(Paramedic listens)
Karkras says, "That exile is the "alpha buddy"; we keep that exile in
sight at all times."
Karkras says, "That way, we stick together."
Paramedic says, "Interesting"
Yorg ponders, "it's good that Para can catch all this!"
Paramedic says, "sounds like a good plan"
Tas ponders, "Thooms have excellent recall"
Sabbit says, "err magic scroll"
Yorg says, "I thought he had four ears"
(Sabbit grins)
Karkras says, "The second tactic is the Regroup/Charge tactic."
(Yorg chuckles)
(Paramedic listens)
Rugur yells, "Incoming!"
(Athala closes her eyes and concentrates really hard on a thought … =)
…)
Yorg says, "halflings utilize the run tactic"
(Athala): Her Sun Stone shimmers in sunlight …
Rugur says, "oops"
(Tas chuckles)
(Sabbit nods)
Karkras says, "Before crossing snells, we all assemble, and do not
cross until "charge" is uttered by the Hunt Leader."
Rugur yells, "ATTACK!"
Drenn ponders, "where did Athala get that sunlight indoors."
Paramedic says, "it's so easy to get disorganized while crossing
snells"
Sabbit says, "Many Tan hearts study with "Runis Fastus""
Rugur says, "er excuse me"
Fist of Fluff says, "That way nobody gets stranded"
(Yorg chuckles)
Tas says, "specially through the marsh"
(Paramedic nods)
Yorg says, "that's a hard one tho"
Tas says, "Karkras, our team tactic worked well in orion wood"
Yorg says, "swamp is confusing"
Karkras says, "That's true Tas…"
Sabbit ponders, "swamp is fun"
Yorg says, "oh yes it is"
Yorg says, "that's my sprint practice ground"
Karkras says, "Breaking into teams when there are many present is a
good idea."
Paramedic asks, "3) I must say this is one of the largest clan
gatherings I have seen. Is this everyone?"
(Sabbit always seems to make it)
Fist of Fluff says, "no"
Tas says, "we must be missing about half the members here…"
Fist of Fluff says, "I think we have 23 members"
Thalion says, "11 of 23"
(Solohawk wittles away at his log of wood)
Tas says, "12"
(Yorg waves)
Karkras says, "We have a membership of about 23"
Henryk says, "12 of 23"
Rugur says, "and we are all friends too"
Thalion says, "12 of 23"
Trena is now Clanning.
Paramedic asks, "Wow. Tan seems to have grown very quickly, hmm?"
(Ethernal waves)
Tas says, "we also have longheart members"
Sabbit ponders, "Tan is very friendly"
(Rugur waves)
Prue is sharing experiences with you.
Yorg says, "we seem to appeal to the new"
Karkras says, "But it is not unusual to assemble 9 -12, even
spontaneously sometimes."
Paramedic asks, "longhearts?"
Paramedic asks, "what are longhearts?"
Yorg says, "honorary members"
Henryk says, "we have 7 long hearts"
Solohawk says, "hey Ethernal there's an open seat next to Fist of
Fluff"
Karkras says, "Longhearts are those who are affiliated with other
clans, who hold a special place in our hearts."
Paramedic says, "Oh I see"
Yorg says, "from other clans"
Henryk says, "currently"
Fist of Fluff says, "Friends of the clan"
(Ethernal likes the ground)
Karkras says, "Those who have helped us, or supported us, or believe in
our ideals."
Paramedic says, "It's good to see a clan expand so quickly and
successfully"
(Yorg nods in agreement)
Medissa says, ": )"
(Henryk smiles)
Paramedic says, "especially when many clans are suffering from internal
problems right now"
(Solohawk smiles)
(Yorg nods in agreement)
Sabbit ponders, "Tan is a big happy family"
Yorg says, "it's hard work"
Tas says, "btw everyone the new enchanted scroll name: http://
tanhearts.org is working."
Rugur ponders, "Tan is soooo cool…"
Fist of Fluff asks, "Sabbit, did you pass second circle today?"
(Sabbit nods)
Sabbit says, "passed it today Fist"
(Sabbit smiles)
Athala says, "that's great. =)"
Thalion exclaims, "congratulations!"
Fist of Fluff yells, "Congratulations Sabbit!"
Sabbit says, "Thank you all"
Paramedic asks, "do you have a governing body or council?"
Tas says, "the guiding hearts"
(Yorg smiles)
Karkras says, "We have "Guiding Hearts""
(Paramedic listens)
Paramedic asks, "Does the clan have a good mix of mystics, fighters,
and healers?"
Fist of Fluff says, "We have no Mystics"
Henryk says, "currently"
Karkras says, "We have no mystic at this time."
Tas says, "we did"
Henryk says, ": D"
Karkras says, "we are about 50% healers"
Sabbit ponders, "I believe we have one"
Thalion says, ""we will have one"
Fist of Fluff says, "Good mix of Fighters/Healers"
Tas ponders, "do we?"
Paramedic asks, "would you like to have a mystic? did one leave?"
Fist of Fluff says, "Good mix of Fighters/Healers"
Rugur says, "we love mystics"
(Yorg nods sadly)
Ethernal says, "Neige Left.. having at least one would be nice"
Fist of Fluff says, "Every clan should have a Mystic to sponsor"
Sabbit exclaims, "NEIGE LEFT?!"
Karkras says, "A mystic, or a mystic-minded exile, in my opinion, is
essential to our clan."
Athala says, "I agree. Karkras. =)"
Yorg says, "yah"
Paramedic asks, "What happened with Neige?"
Tas says, "yes sabbit"
Tas says, "he followed his heart to another clan."
Yorg says, "he grew up"
Henryk says, "we would welcome any exile who has a heart of tan"
Henryk says, ": D"
Karkras says, "We must all follow our hearts."
Rugur says, "Ask Neige"
(Yorg nods in agreement)
(Paramedic nods)
Sabbit says, "Oh dear"
Thalion says, "Spark, who wants to join wishes to be a mystic"
Medissa says, ": )"
(Yorg smiles)
Fist of Fluff says, "Neige's heart had another calling"
Rugur says, "Spark seems like a good person"
Thalion says, "she is"
Fist of Fluff says, "We must all follow our hearts"
(Sabbit looks sad)
(Yorg chuckles)
Karkras says, "Without mystics, Society would lose cohesion and
disintegrate."
Paramedic asks, "4) What do you see in the future for Tan? What plans
do you have?"
(Solohawk smiles)
Medissa says, ": )"
(Yorg smiles)
(Solohawk smiles)
Karkras says, "A clan is the same."
Tas says, "I think the clan will mature as the members do."
Yorg says, "unsure about the future"
Karkras says, "I see Tan evolving."
Paramedic asks, "unsure?"
Yorg says, "well no concrete planns"
Ethernal says, "dunno, where to go next, follow what we are doing now,
for the moment"
Henryk says, "we will take the future as it comes…"
Tas says, "but the clan, hopefully, as is set in its principles so as
to be flexible as the members mature"
Karkras says, "Right now, there are many decisions to be made on our
structure the way we communicate and do things."
Tas says, "members will go and come and follow their hearts"
Tas says, "I'm sure"
Paramedic asks, "what would you LIKE to see in the future for the
clan?" Henryk says, "humm…"
Drenn says, "hey"
Tas says, "hmm"
(Solohawk smiles)
Karkras says, "I see grand projects, sponsored by Tan."
(Tas nods)
Thalion says, "growth"
(Yorg smiles)
(Henryk nods)
Athala says, "=)"
Tas ponders, "we did vote on the projects"
Karkras says, "Perhaps a railway."
(Yorg stares in amazement)
Rugur says, "I think some of us would like to have some influence over
current events."
Athala says, "ooooh"
Tas ponders, "kegs of rootbeer"
(Paramedic listens)
Athala says, "=)"
Tas ponders, "brought in by rail"
Karkras says, "Bridges on the Fire Island, perhaps…"
Henryk says, "and we wish for the invention of kegs of rootbeer"
(Tas smiles)
(Sabbit wishes for pets)
(Yorg chuckles)
Ethernal ponders, "a bulding on Devil's Island would be nice"
Karkras says, "or a dock there."
Athala says, "=)"
Fist of Fluff ponders, "Rootbeer"
Ethernal ponders, "root beer"
Paramedic asks, "5) Do you think Puddleby should seek peace with
Tenebrion?"
Yorg says, "hmm"
Swami says, "I do"
Drenn ponders, "He'd better say yes."
Yorg says, "I don''t know Tenebrion"
Fist of Fluff says, "Puddleby should be careful about Tenebrion"
(Sabbit is lost)
Ethernal says, "that story is a bit big for most of us.. but he is
dangerous.."
Paramedic asks, "why, Fist?"
Fist of Fluff says, "Peace with him would be a good thing"
Athala ponders, "personally,
I am all for PEACE. (for all)."
Karkras says, "As a clan, we do not have an official stand on that
issue."
Henryk says, "it is better to have allies then enemies"
Rugur says, "Tenebrion tried to eat me once"
Tas ponders, "we as a clan have not discussed Puddleby in that manner
yet"
Athala exclaims, "!"
Paramedic asks, "Have any of you been to his keep?"
Yorg says, "a piece of pie"
Fist of Fluff says, "Yes"
Henryk says, "I was there once"
Rugur says, "Yes. Tenebrion tried to eat me once"
Fist of Fluff says, "Today"
(Tas nods)
Thalion says, "no"
Tas says, "I've met him"
Paramedic asks, "were you injured?"
Sabbit ponders, "huh? could someone fill me in?"
Karkras says, "A few of us have been there."
Rugur says, "fallen"
Henryk says, "I fell there"
Paramedic asks, "You met him, Tas?"
Tas says, "he stood over the 20+ fallen and left us…."
Fist of Fluff says, "I was on the dock today when the boat arrived"
Ethernal says, "I think he is feared by his own people, he is dangerous
to us too"
Tas says, "it was long ago…"
Tas says, "perhaps before I was a clan member"
Yorg says, "I dont know either"
Rugur says, "I generally don't like to associate with cannibals"
Fist of Fluff says, "His guards attacked me"
(Henryk remebers what Tas is describing)
Tas says, "I recall… Natas there"
Tas says, "and many others"
(Paramedic listens)
Ethernal ponders, "'Cannibals' is for same species, he is undisclosed
;-)"
Tas says, "my memory is fuzzy"
Fist of Fluff says, "I ran from them but they did not stop"
(Paramedic listens)
Rugur says, "he is an elf"
Ethernal says, "nah, he only looks like one"
Drenn ponders, "elf?"
Tas says, "it was in a tower, I believe"
Paramedic says, "I see."
Fist of Fluff asks, "Why would he send his boat if his guards attack
anyone who goes there?"
Rugur says, "I was in his kitchen"
(Sabbit nods)
Ethernal says, "his status is listed as a undisclosed individual"

#####
ADVERTISEMENT

Interested in conspiracies?

Visit the Puddleby Conspiracy Group

They are looking for more readers and more conspiracies.

<http://homepage.mac.com/myselfthethoom/>

brought to you by Mi'seil the Thoom

#####
THE FISHWRAP POLL

New question:
#5) What are your favorite uses for Fishwrap Magazine? (Vote for one or
more choices)
* Lining the cage of my pet bloodhawk
* Whacking the local nosy Thooms on the snout
* Reading the contents to keep up on current events in Puddleby
* Wrapping up my leftover fish
* Folding it into origami wendeckas
* Stuffing my shirt with it so I look "bigger" if you know what I mean
* How else could I hit Prue with all those spitballs? Nuff said
* Mailing all the articles about me to my mom on the mainland
* Donating it to the cold and lonely dwarf fund
* Mulching my kudzu garden

Fairly low turnout for this, considering that you can cast multiple
votes. Poll results so far reveal that at least six exiles are
whacking Thooms on the snout with Fishwrap Magazine. Heads up to you
Thooms out there: keep an eye out.

Vote today!
<http://www.egroups.com/polls/fishwrapmagazine>

#####
ADVERTISEMENT

New to the lands? Troubled by critters? Confused by balance?

Find all your answers (and a whole lot more)
at Better Living Through Fast Feet.

<http://drennen.org/cl/>

brought to you by Nohn the Fen

#####
CHARLOS' CORNER

[Drunk and Disorderly]

Well, Puck must have noticed the coins weren't coming in, since he's
let me back in his fine establishment. The bartender still seems a bit
shaken from the last time Natas, Kryll and I hung him upside-down from
the antlers on the wall. This time around he was sure to make note of a
mistake in my last submission to the 'wrap:
Halflings get Lilaberry Cider

After some hesitation, I have tried my hand at an interview:

[Love, Hate and a Heroine]

(Slyph grins)
Slyph says, "Prue is doing an Auntie Prue thing.."
Charlos says, "yea, I think I heard about that one"
Charlos says, "it outta be juicy 8-)"
Charlos says, "Ok, we're here in Chef Haricot's greasy dive"
Slyph asks, "oh are you going to practice on me?"
Charlos says, "yeap"
(Slyph smiles seductively)
Charlos says, "8-)"
Charlos says, "ok"
Slyph says, "I see, charlos… practice, eh.."
Charlos says, "heh"
Charlos ponders, "keep yer pants on"
Charlos says, "So…"
(Slyph will try)
Charlos asks, "Who is Puddleby's most hated exile?"
Slyph says, "hmm, thats a very good question."
Charlos ponders, "there are so many 8-)"
Charlos says, "Off the top of your head"
Slyph says, "I would say that, perhaps with the concern over Tenebrion,
it might be Tyking"
Charlos asks, "because he had some dealings with Tenebrion?"
Slyph says, "yes, and because of the possession of a sword of souls.."
Charlos says, "ah"
Slyph says, "one that may have part of an exile's soul in it."
Slyph says, "Tyking seems to be gleeful about the sword"
Slyph says, "I think he has become Tenebrion's seeing-eye dog."
Charlos says, "ah"
Charlos says, "hmm"
Charlos asks, "Who is Puddleby's most loved exile?"
Slyph says, "hmm."
Slyph says, "I would make a strong argument for Dora :)"
Charlos asks, "Dora eh?"
(Slyph nods)
Slyph exclaims, "she's so sweet!"
Charlos ponders, "pickle lady?"
Slyph says, "and missing, of course :("
Charlos ponders, "sweet pickles?"
Charlos says, "ah"
Charlos asks, "she is lost in the library?"
Slyph says, "aye.."
Slyph says, "but if you would consider active exiles.."
Slyph says, "this is a very tough question, actually."
Charlos says, "sure, among those active…"
Slyph says, "hmm."
Slyph says, "me, perhaps"
Charlos says, "8-)"
(Slyph nods and smiles)
Charlos says, "excellent answer"
Slyph says, "how Babajaga fawns over me.."
Slyph says, "I could cite many examples."
Charlos says, "as could I"
Charlos ponders, "did she think I said most lusted after?"
Charlos says, "so.."
Charlos says, "last question"
(Slyph grins)
Charlos says, "Koraleva has this contest going on right now.."
Slyph asks, "oh?"
Charlos says, "yea, about hero"
Charlos says, "err, heroes"
Slyph says, "hmm"
Charlos says, "write a story about your hero..etc.."
Charlos says, "for prizes…"
Slyph says, "ah, interesting.."
Charlos says, "Koraleva reports: CONTEST!!PRIZES!! http://
www.angelfire.com/rock/dragun/hero2.html""
Charlos says, "so…"
(Slyph laughs)
Charlos asks, "Do you have a hero?"
Charlos asks, "Someone who showed you the ropes when you first
arrived?"
Slyph says, "I think so.."
(Slyph nods)
Slyph says, "Marfisa."
Charlos says, "ah"
Chef Haricot asks, "How you expect me to make always the feast, if I
have not the proper ingredients?"
Slyph says, "she's very special to me."
Charlos says, "she's great"
Slyph says, "and yes, she took me under her wing when I arrived. Later
I would become her squire."
Charlos asks, "oh?"
Slyph says, "they will write songs about her, Charlos.."
(Slyph nods)
Slyph says, "yes, we met when we both fell in north field.."
Chef Haricot says, "One pinch more of salt, and the soup, she will be
perfection."
Slyph says, "I said something funny and we were laughing up a storm
waiting to be rescued :)"
Slyph says, "friends since."
Charlos says, "she's quite a crack-up"
Charlos says, "had me rolling many times"
Slyph says, "she has SUCH a sense of humor. :)"
Charlos says, "8-)"
Slyph says, "aye :)"
Slyph says, "I get very upset when she's studying for long periods of
time" Charlos says, "well, I thank you for your time"
You gave good karma to Slyph, 8-)
You just received good karma from Slyph, :)
Charlos says, "and I hope it wasn't too painful"
Slyph exclaims, "not at all!"

[Sweet Words, Dusty Tongue]

Lucky am I to have found love amidst madness in our exiles. I wanted to
give Solas a Caduceus as an engagement gift, so I had a cautious but
friendly Thoom purchase one for me. He slipped it in my bag and I was
off. When I was all set and we were both in Falinea's Garden, I started
with the mushy stuff. Then I fumbled around in my pack for her gift.
All she got was a fallen dumbass and Caduceus dust. <moral> If you are
not a healer, you have no business holding Moonstones, Caduceus' or
Sylphstone Rings.

#####
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The Northern Hospital (in the NW Forest safe cave) is increasingly
staffed with healers as well. ThoomCare affiliate Amarais Fina has
recently been specializing in NW Forest wounds and is often on duty
there.

#####
FISHWRAP FINANCIAL SECTION

Fen Lorikeet's report on the investigation into the bank follows.

Here is the letter I sent to the Bank Manager:

Dear Bank Manager,

After having received reports from the clans that lost money in the
unfortunate bank tunneling episode, I have concluded that there must be
hidden away somewhere another strongbox of coins. I am quite certain
that the treasurers have all given me the correct amount of their
losses. You explained that the amount of money rediscovered was 16471.
Unfortunately, the amount of losses come to 26273. The amount of money
to be redistributed, therefore, is 62.69% of the money lost. I have
therefore decided (and previously advised the treasurers) that the
money currently available should be distributed proportionally. That
is, each clan will receive 62.69% of the total lost. The clans, the
amount lost, and the amount to be refunded are as follows:

Rising Claw: Lost 10479 coins; Receive 6569 coins
OWE: Lost 500 coins; Receive 313 coins
BOI: Lost 150 coins; Receive 94 coins
GDI: Lost 145 coins; Receive 91 coins
Blue Team: Lost 1495 coins; Receive 937 coins
Winds of Dawn: Lost 248 coins; Receive 155 coins
Darkhorse Clan: Lost 190 coins; Receive 119 coins
Dwarven Militia: Lost 3337 coins; Receive 2092 coins
Sun Dragon: Lost 4349 coins; Receive 2726 coins
Thoomcare: Lost 330 coins; Receive 207 coins
Hunter: Lost 3600 coins; Receive 2257 coins
Fellowship: Lost 648 coins; Receive 406 coins
Red Quill: Lost 95 coins; Receive 60
Light and Shadow: Lost 47 coins; Receive 29
Laughing Academy: Lost 45 coins; Receive 28
POS: Lost 600 coins; Receive 376
Rea'n Famkul: Lost 15 coins; Receive 9

(Note: LOW lost one coin, and I have denied their claim)

I sincerely hope you will search for that missing box of coins.

Sincerely,

Lorikeet

#####
THE TENEBRION REPORT
FROM TYKING II THE FEN

On Laughing Academy
Well, it's official. Due to all the bad karma I've been receiving, The
Laughing Academy has decided to terminate my membership. Now, let's
take a look at the logic of this decision.
Number one: They said that membership would be terminated IF bad karma
outweighed good karma. I still had more good than bad karma.
Number two: They decided to make this decision at a time when they
didn't have enough members online to kick me out.
Number three: I spent 200 coins on this clan, 100 to join, and 100 I
donated to the fund, yet they still kick me out! Oh, but it was
nothing, because according to Bubbles, it "Greatly Helped The Clan." If
I greatly helped the clan, why did they still decide to kick me out?
They've lost two of their members already, Perrin and Hidden, and they
decide to take the matter into their own hands and kick others out?
Where is the logic here?

On Elenis
Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but the opinions of Elenis
Reyav have flipflopped more than a meshra scarfing down caffeine. Let's
take a look at "The evolution of the Elenis opinion."
Stage 1: Elenis claims that the sword of souls was not indeed the one
Tenebrion used.
Stage 2: He changes his views and says that it is the same sword, but
the "auras are all wrong". Does anybody know what the hell he is
talking about?
Stage 3: He deletes both opinions, and goes to telling me I'm full of
it.
Stage 4: He goes back to stage 1
Now, he's also claiming that the sword has some sort of control over
me. I never thought a fighter could be that stupid, but I guess I was
wrong. First of all, as anyone who knows me will tell you, I had wished
to serve Tenebrion before he gave me the sword! Second of all, I have
the ability, should I choose to, to give the sword back to Tenebrion
and stop serving him. Not that I want to, that is.

On Noivad
This sylvan who I never even knew before this, has got a lot to learn.
His letter to the editor in Fishwrap 22 has so many errors in it, I
don't even know where to start! Let's try quoting it, and attacking it
from there:

"Very interesting article. I can't think of anyone less ept to be a
moderating force in negoiations, however, I can't think of an exile
with such an ability that would agree to become a servant to a master
that keeps his aims secret."

First off, Tenebrion does not, I repeat, does not keep his aims secret.
They have been of common knowledge for quite a while! He wants to know
what purgatory is, and how to get there! Those are his only concerns
with us! He has no desire to attack Puddleby, as others have imagined
somehow.

"One very interesting thing Tyking said was that even he sees a need
for a government. Tyking, for those not familiar with him, is a fairly
disruptive individual, and as such, I'm surprised he endorses the
idea."

A disruptive individual? What exactly do you mean by that? Not only do
you refuse to provide evidence for your accusation, but you don't even
define what disruptive means! First off, I've never even met you, never
spoken with you, never done anything with you, so how can you judge me
as if those were true?

"It's akin to a fox insisting that someone else guard the chicken
coop,"

Now you're using metaphors that will drive a Ghorak Zo insane trying to
figure out! Try speaking common next time!

"since I think someone like him might wish there to be anarchy."

If I had desired anarchy, I would say so! And since I did not, I would
advise you to drop the issue.

"From this, my conclusion is that we should form a government."

So, let me get this straight, you're confused that I wanted a
government, you attack my behavior, then conclude that my opinion is
the right one?

On Recent Tenebrionic Issues
Many people have inquired about my sword, and I'm always glad to tell
them about it.
Lately, I have recently found that I can finally absorb souls with my
sword. When this occurs, the corpse of the monster glows, and the sword
screams. So far this has only occurred with rats and vermine. Lastly, I
urge all exiles who possess a purgatory pendant to give it to
Tenebrion. If you do, you shall be rewarded with a soul sword of your
own!

Tyking II

#####
COMING SOON TO THE FISHWRAP

Crippler interviews Ziff Rengar
Exclusive interview with Tere the Witch
"Inside the Dentist's Chair" with Merlisk the Thoom
"Ask Auntie Prue"
"Animals Eating Exiles": LONG AWAITED FEATURE ARTICLE
Exclusive interview with Ghoti the Mystic
"Seafood Specialties" by Bones the Thoom

#####
Fishwrap Magazine is brought to you by Para Publishing (part of the
ThoomCare network)
Publisher and Editor: Paramedic
Staff:
Senior reporter: Crippler
Roving reporters and contributors: Althea, Charlos, Prue, Slyph, Tyking
II

A newspaper is only as good as its reporters, and we are always looking
for new stories. If you have news you think belongs in Fishwrap
Magazine, send Paramedic some mail (mailbox #1047) or email him at his
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